In order to develop a successful relationship with a melancholy which is conducive to their achievement of growth, be it academic, social, educational or spiritual one must know the true nature of that person. Remember the essence of the melancholy is to be forever doomed to see their own shortcomings greatly magnified beyond that of the failings they perceive in others. Because of this inherent feeling of unworthiness, the melancholy lives in constant fear of rejection. In order to protect themselves from rejection, they reject others first; thereby maintaining their own emotional safety. This creates the negative image others often have of the melancholies. To effectively interact with the melancholy the approach is critical. 1. The approach must be cautious and patient. Otherwise the melancholy will shut the approaches out immediately out of a fear of allowing intruders too close; thus exposing themselves to potential injury. 2. The melancholy will rebel against and reject any type of pressure placed upon them. 3. The melancholy must be approached with consummate professionalism. Project an aloofness that indicates you do not really care if they accept your guidance or not. If you are overly friendly, they will reject you. Again, this is a defense mechanism ingrained in their temperament to assure self-preservation. 4. The best approach is to lay out the pertinent information factually and allow them to use their analytical nature to come to the best solution themselves. 5. The melancholy must be given time to be alone and to process and regenerate. Be aware and supportive of positive uses of this time. 6. The melancholy has an intense need to be independent. Make sure they know you are aware of their need and that they in turn are aware of the needs of others. When factually advised they are infringing on the needs of others: they will reflect upon and adjust their actions according to the best of their ability. 7. The melancholy has a strong need to know you are their intellectual superior. They will not accept guidance from any they believe not to be their superior. Be cautious not to present this in so forceful a manner that they will reject you. Display your credentials in a conspicuous manner where they may be easier observed. Give them the facts. 8. The melancholy presents an air of superiority. This is a faade. A mask designed to protect them fro possible hurt. 9. It is important that you know as much as possible about the background of the melancholy. Build a chronological case history and be familiar with it. It will allow them to develop a sense of comfort in your ability. 10. Make absolutely certain that the melancholy is aware you know exactly what you are doing, why you are doing it and what the end result or outcome will be. The melancholy is a task oriented person. Keep your interactions in the realm of tasks and out of the realm of relationships as much as possible. This is especially true if you wish them to remain inside their comfort zone. If you are successful with a melancholy; it will not be through feelings or emotions. They are the epitome of the Joe Friday, "just the facts," mentality. |
